Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
