dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
