just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
