this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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