Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize