1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
