Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
