So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
