put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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