I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
