The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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