It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
