her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drunk is not a location!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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