i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
