Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
