he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
