so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
