roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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