Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
