I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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