the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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