That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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