Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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