It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
