I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
