we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
