Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
