Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
