I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
