my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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