My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
