I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
a search helicopter?!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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