"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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