Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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