Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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