you're like a bully in the Christmas story
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
