Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
