You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
