just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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