if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
