We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
