I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Green mimosas i think yes
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
