you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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