And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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