and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
