fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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