My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
