I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you didnt know i had herpes?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
