When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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