When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
