Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
