Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
