i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
