Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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