I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
