doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
