I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My life is pants optional.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
