He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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