i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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