she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
