Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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