Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
