theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
