Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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