who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
