Screwed.edu
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
it was like eating out sand paper
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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