Im at strip club and am horny
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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