I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize