the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
