we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
