doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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