Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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