Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How's work?
Spinning.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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