These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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