Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
