she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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