Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He shit in the fireplace
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
