Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
